The pains of personal initiation into the group. Do you really need to appear that tough? Are you threatening or feeling threatened?

  Feeling alienated and alone is nothing more the the egoic trick of seclusion. To witness others back and forth banter of a personal nature seems to infect us. As it were, everyone wants to join in on "talkin shit". As we witness individuals interact with one another it holds a striking resemblance of the school yard. The need to join the group seems to be overwhelming. This will spill over from work to the home setting. Enabling good faithful Christian pastors to bend the rules a little. The acceptance of any group has a power that unity holds onto. The facade of unity only brings dissapointment when we reach for acceptance that we always had. Grasping for anything we have, makes us feel as if it is gone. Not being able to remember that we came from unconditional acceptance is all too common. This is another trick palyed by the egoic nature of seclusion. But being an individual is as important as being interwoven and connected. Wanting someone to like you makes us belittle them for some strange reason. As if in the school yard tugging on a girls hair will find you the results you are after. The cry for attention is often times pretty pathetic.

  That won't stop this from happening. On the contrary, it is as if the self abuse is all we are ever after to begin with. Those that feel the need to "dress to impress" or "hurt to be heard" are basically feeling nothing but abandonment. Moments fueled with this form of domestic violence seem to be more than addictive. That's when some people feel the most alive. Rightfully so, if that person only lived half a life. Never taking any forms of risk leaves us in a want for the knowing. The fog of domestic violence is so thick you don't even know it exists. Our personal desires and opinion forms judgment and that is just too important. Our opinion is all that ever really matters to us as individuals. For anyone to oppose that opinion is an invasion upon our belief structures. 

  This seems simple enough to sweep under the rug and just let people say what they want. After all, what you think has nothing to do with me. Unless I allow your opinions to affect me. Either way, positively or in a negative manner. If this is allowed at all. Some individuals have better control of their mental stability. Sadly though, 80% or better of the population do not. Self control is far and few between. Self control though we want it. As we want we never find what we are striving towards. Letting go of what we want is the only way to have what we crave. As we view life through the lenses of chaos that is all we will find. So to cling and to want for what we already have. Tends to rip is from feeling complete and whole. Seclusion is strange and at times wanted as well as unwanted.

  The ego has a way of making us do & say some things we want to take back. Especially say things we regret instantly. But that won't keep us from opening up to voice our opinions. The only thing that matters is what we personally think. But our experiental past will dictate how we view everything that happens. What we expect to find is what will unfold. These underlaid expectations are often times invisible to us as our desires blind the senses. Our beliefs have a way of controlling our reactions and our emotions. They are controlled by the subconcious as well as linked into the super conscious. Yet it seems to be that things happen and we just have to react accordingly. Although this is true in ways. We find containment as we believe this is the only way to handle any situation. Learning that non action, or doing nothing is the best decision. To calm the waves created by letting things calm themselves. Our understanding of karma seems to be a bit inside out. Not quite what is coming to find you for a debt that is owed.

  Even finding out what your Dharmic duties are, may never happen in this lifetime. You may never be ready for the truth to ever find you. Due to the solidification of our beliefs. As soon as the truth finds you, anger consumes your egoic reaction. As strong as we believe our ego is. That shiny suit of armor we hide behind can't even handle a scratch. As much as we believe our ego is protecting us. That lie makes us more vulnerable than ever before. The loss of emotional control only shows the world what cards you are holding. It also makes your actions dictated by the body and not through cognitivity. In any form of mortal combat, self control over your emotional reactions is critical. Ever heard of the saying "don't go off half cocked"? Or "look before you leap"? When any physical engagement is a form of a chess match. The feeling of familiarity seems a bit too eerie.

  This is due to creating reality before it unfolds. Now I know what it seems like as we believe the world is out to get you. This is a natural response to being alive and facing the threat of death awaiting around every corner. The threat of the life half lived will confine even the most courageous individuals. Facing our own personal safety or possibly demise, tends to make people quiver in their boots. Freeze, fight, or flight was all we used to believe in. Now, with a cognitive thought processes, answers will be found through understanding & through conversation. But domestic violence will kill all forms of conversation. Putting a hault on progress as well as our personal potential. Winning arguements by being louder is nothing more than an individual feeling as if they are not understood. So, they are not being heard as they are not able to understand. This will flow back and forth as we are not able to step into each others shoes.

  Feeling left out is held together by the ego and confusion. As tensions build we find ourselves unable to control what we say. Both bringing up "ammunition" from past arguments and moments/situations. All natural as well as avoidable. For both of you to know when the other is bringing up things that are simply not true. Your arguements become unwarranted & a bit redundant. As you both say things you instantly regret just wanting to end the insanity. We tend to take everything so personally that it cuts deep to hear forms of the truth being sceued. As it were, with our beliefs expressed and explained the truth holds them up. With no one really being wrong, nor needing to take the blame. The truth weaps as we fight over our personal beliefs. The truth has a funny way of lighting the path to understanding.

   The truth will also never hold anything against you. It won't ever hold a grudge nor think less of you. Once you find the truth or the truth finds you. You are now in the know. Stepping through uncomfort of not always being right can be difficult for anyone with control issues. Needing to be in charge or get the last word is all lumped into the same feelings of abandonment. At least that is what the subconcious will link things together with. Learning to read the subconcious is easy enough. But our beliefs may make that difficult on your own. Finding a mentor may be all that is required. Especially if the thought of therapy holds the stigma society has for you. Being an individual seems to be more difficult than meets the eye. Most people act like each other, & find themselves becoming like those they surround themselves with.

  As always I thank you for your time and consideration. Pride is a large side of arguments with friends and family. We just know better and need to find out how and what to apologize for.  An apology can be the hardest thing for us to bring ourselves to say. Finding ways to accept an apology is just as difficult. All it takes is a little bit of compromise. To bend for those that bend for you.

💛🙏 ☯

Namaste